I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
one might say we're banned from that church
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
