Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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