she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
