I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
