I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
