Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
