I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
