Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize