I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
