That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize