girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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