How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
