i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Randomize