Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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