you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
