Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
