Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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