so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
