dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
