cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
