you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize