I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize