Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
