playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
