i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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