@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
