Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
