I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
