woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
