There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
