Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
