I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
