i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
