I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
