I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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