Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize