hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
