TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
