Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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