god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You smell like stripper and shame
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's the barista slut.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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