I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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