YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
