Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
