she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
