Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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