I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
