There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
