Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
