okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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