are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
