Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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