its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
