im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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