i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
