did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
