Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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