i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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