I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize