I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
