I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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