you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
