Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
