my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
