I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize