38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
