Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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