whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
