ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
