If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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