Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This girl is more easily done than said...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we're so committed to being not committed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
