so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
