I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
