I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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