I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
