Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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