If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you would pick up someone in the library
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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